Is age nothing but a number?

[Caroline Forbes]

Okay so after meeting my mate's brother last night (so cute lol) it got me thinking...

How much of an age difference is acceptable? Is it different if the girl or the guy is the older one? What do you think about dating someone older/younger?

:)

[Angels baby101]

I think age is nothing but a number and really who invented numbers anyways cause really whos to say some one is really i dunno say 21 and not 46 being their true age? Any ways i think people should be able to date who they want age not being a problem dont get me wrong i think a 17 year old dating some 65 year old is alittle much but If a person looks solely on age or looks instead of personality they might pass up the love of their life. I'm 16 years old and since i was 15 i have dated guys 18-20 cause i cant stand guys my age they are so immature but the older ones have settled down alittle... and i am now engaged to a 22 year old almost 23 which makes him 6 years older than me. So i stand strong agianst age is nothing but a number
Luckly my parents are behind me on this matter and all.. They dont mind

[ZorCrow]

You may think age is nothing but a number, but when you are arrested for statutory rape you find out that it isn't.

[Caroline Forbes]

lmfao!!!! :D

[Timeless Beautie]

When my mom remarried she married a guy who was 10 years her senior.... so if you both responsible adults then it's not a problem. If your under the age of 18 then I say if you date older then don't go over the difference of 5 years. My limit is 2 years and sometimes 3 if we really click, but I try to date my own age. My last boyfriend was almost 2 years older then I. But most of the time I don't go over 2 years older.

[Jessica Hamby]

I think there's a BIG difference between chronological age and MENTAL age... I find myself attracted to older men more often than the guys my age, but not because the guys my age arent hot-- because they ARE... but more because the guys my age are BOYS... and I'm interested in interacting with men ;) My last significant other was three years older than me [he was 21] and even with him, there were times i felt he still acted like a boy and those times drove me up the wall... and I think probably contributed to our eventual demise as a couple. I've been told many times that while i look younger than i am, i act older than i am, lol.... most of my friends [both male and female] are older than me... early to mid twenties... i just never got wrapped up in the drama of the teenage identity crisis... and some of the girls on campus are still coming out of that... and I find it hard to relate to them.... so you can see how an 18 yo boy who is even further down the maturity scale would be unsuitable for me.

Statutory rape is one thing to consider... but now that im legal, guys, yall dont worry 'bout a thing. ;) LOL, on a more serious note... I think is inappropriate for a man in his mid to late twenties or older to be having a sexual relationship with a teenage girl. [Angelsbaby, im not talking about you, lol, obviously you, your partner, and your parents are handling your situation well, I'm talking like a 27 yo guy with a 15 yo girl.] In that instance... you cant help but feel like someone [im sure i dont need to mention who] is getting taken advantage of.... and then you have to wonder, how young do this guy like 'em?

But... if both partners are of age, or at least mentally old enough to make serious decisions and know the risks involved and practice safe sex and all that, then perhaps it is indeed whatever floats your boat. :)

[Jacob Black]

I think there are really distinct differences. Age isn't just a number because when you are with someone it is everything that comes into play. People DO think about it.. they WILL look at you when you walk down the street and kiss or something and it is in the back of your mind..

Personally.. I would prefer a girl who is EXACTLY my age and maybe a year younger.. I don't know why but that's just how I feel. I think it is just gross for all those Woody Allen and Demi Moore types out there lol.

[Caroline Forbes]

lol

Well since I started this and didn't give my opinion I thought I should...

Okay the situation that started it all...my friend who is my age (late 20s) brother who is 22 (so a five year difference). Now this is the second 22 year old person I've been interested in in a row lol. While I have always been mature for my age, I do look younger (or so I'm told) but I find I have interests in common with those younger than me (from discussing Yugi Oh with my six year old nephew lol to spending three hours with a younger friend talking about Beavis and Butthead).

So I really do feel like dirty old lady being interested in this youngin' lol, but at the same time, I am not one to throw my emotions around willy nilly, so I feel like...if we click, we click.

:)

Edit: Oh lol, I got it wrong and he's actually 24. So still younger, but not as bad lol

[ZorCrow]

I was watching Malcom X, and Eliljah Muhammad (the guy who molested all those young girls in the Nation of Islam, and the reason Malcom X left the group) and Elijah Muhammad made the case that a woman should be half the age of a guy plus seven years. For me that would mean m ideal wife should be around 22 to 23 years old and that she would be almost 7 years younger than me.

I think Elijah was saying that for wives, men should marry younger women, and that men should be more mature than women, since women usually mentally mature faster than men.

To me life seems Ironic as a guy, as a guy when I was young you wanted older women, and older women (somtimes 50+) want young guys. But now that I am on the door step of the big 3 0, I realize that younger women like me more, maybe it's life Ironic twist. Legally I could date a 18 year old but would I want too? I mean I am 11 years older than an 18 year old? Yes she has a tight body with perky parts,
but is her mind there? Nope.

I think this is a personal choice with no simple answers, chemistry matters most to me.

[DonDaddyD]

I kinda agree with you there about the irony. Even though I am seven years your junior. Back in the day (being my teen years 16 - 18) all the girls in my college were 'dating' older guys and this would range from 20 - 30 I used to look at these guys and wonder what became of women their age? Soon I found out about the toyboy theory and it answered all!

I was once told (by a women) that instinctivly the sexual peak has something to do with it as most men ('hopefully not me I thought') tend to burn out by the late twentys and 30 year old women want a nice 'young buck' to keep up. I was also told by my friend a few years back that he desired an older women to 'show him the way'. For me there is definately some truth in this as this has always been evident amongst my friends.

Personally I've dated younger girls usually 1-3 years my junior this is nothing really, but I have always felt that I'm left short with the whole mental stimulation and um some other things. So I'm curious to see what an older women would have to offer in terms of stimulation (mentally).

However I really think that age and maturity truly comes down to the life you live. Where I'm from (much like everywhere else) there are some places where people live where by the time they are 19 they've got three small boys (nothing wrong with this) and a good 10-15yrs adult life experience behind them. To them I'm but a mere boy whereas there are some 27 year olds who really should be 15 and simply are children. I think mental age is dictated by life experience which in turn determines your maturity. The more life experience you've got the more mature your going to be so I try my hardest not to look at chronological age and rather look at the life the person lives. I try to find someone (regardless of age) that has the same sort of desires I have.

A post before me said 'if we click we click' I've always questioned this as you may click as individuals/personality but are your lives in the same place? When you date someone older or younger there lives may be in different place, you may want kids a house and a nice husband to come home to. A younger person may want to travel and explore or visa versa. This for me is always the risk when dating a youger/older person and more than anything else I find that this is another problem when dating someone *years older/younger than you are.

(By the way what is the age of consent in America anyway?)

[ZorCrow]

In America the Age of Consent is usually 16 to 19 depending on what state you are in. Some state I heard it is 14

[DonDaddyD]

Sorry to go off subject but doesn't that lead to a lot confusion?

You may be visiting a state and think it's ok to trouble a 14yr old and find yourself in jail for a long long time!

14 is far to young in my eyes to experience anything unless it is with another than with another 14 yr old.

[Koralk]

Ok. I'm a rarely heard voice around here, but this is a topic that I feel I can lend my insight on.

I'm 22. My wife is 44. We clicked instantly when we met, and we got along great. We love each a great deal. Things would be fine between us if I hadn't had a moment of indiscretion, and cheated (judge as you see fit, ladies and gents, I could honestly care less. Nothing you say or think holds a candle to my wife's reaction).

Anyways... regardless of all the extra circumstances, despite the age difference we got along extremely well. We loved each other, we enjoyed each other's company, we had things in common and things not in common. The difference in numbers was minimal.

I still love her, despite the trouble we're going through. So... I guess what I'm saying is, "No, age doesn't matter, so long as both parties are able to control themselves".

5 years is nothing. What's five years? A few seasons of "Friends" or "Beavis & Butthead"? Thats the only real difference. Its not like you're spanning a generation or two.

Just my opinion.

[Jacob Black]

I guess I just have a hard time thinking that when you were BORN.. your wife was already an adult. I have nothing against you or your wife or anything, but to me that is gross.. it always has been.

I don't understand how someone can fall in love with another person SOOO much younger than them.. For me, I always jump to ulterior motives.

I don't think like 1-9 years age difference is a big deal but anything past that just doesn't work for me.

[Koralk]

Yeah, my wife had a really hard time with it to begin with.

She felt very much as if she was doing something "wrong". It took her a while to really feel comfortable with the age difference, but once she did, she realized that regardless of the situation when I was born, or when I was 15, or whatever... I was an adult when we met, and so was she.

I was capable of making a decision, and so was she.

I'm not rich. I'm not particularly good looking. There really isn't any logical ulterior motive, y'know?

No offense meant to you, Prophet, but I find it a little sad that you wouldn't let yourself be open to it, if it happened.

If you picked your friends the same way, that would be cutting you off from generations of very cool people. I have people I consider friends who are 50 years older than I am. The amount of knowledge and insight they have is amazing.

I think I may be rambling slightly here, but I'm too tired to be able to tell. Anyways...

Automatically excluding a group of people from your "love life" based on their age is remarkably similar to doing so because of their race. They can't help that they were born earlier than you, and they could be a wonderful person that you were "made to be with".

Maybe I'm just not seeing your point. And I'm pretty sure I've beaten the horse to death... I think I'm going to step away from the keyboard. lol

[DonDaddyD]

I don't think it's gross 'fair play to you' if your happy your happy and if your in love it is supposed to transcend all. I'm glad you've found strength in that.

I personally think there is a big difference between a person who 20yrs your junior but only because your wife is older than my Mum. Or there is the same age difference between you and your wife as there is between me and my parents. So from my perspective that is something I could never do.

As I said before whereas your wife maybe thinking children, second house, retirement, you may be still thinking my career, travelling and finding my adult self. I don't know the life you've lived and maybe you had to grow up fast. But what happens if you get a job you really want and want to move states? Or if you want to change your path in life completely or go back and study? Your wife has had all these choices and made those decisions. I'd ask myself is it fair that you may not as responsibility of settling down has been placed on your shoulders too early?

For me that is always been the problem with being with an older person. They tend to make you grow up too fast too soon.

[Jill Monroe]

"may/december relationships"-- the union of a younger man with a woman 10 years or more his senior.(but of course it could be reversed or even same gender)

may/december relationships often work out BETTER than relationships where both individuals are of the same age.


My mother divorced my father in 1992. she didnt began dating again until i was nearly finished with higschool...and after several years and a few relationships, she met and was pursued by a man who was 27 years old and at that time she was 46. after her dismissing him several times, she began to wonder if it could possibly work. she talked to her mother and me...and asked us how we felt about it and BOTH of us encouraged her to go for it. this man was mature, worldly. sophisticated and a true gentleman...far more advanced than his peers in many ways. My mother married Andrew in 2001 when he was 28 and she was 47...and I was 24. I think his youthfullness is what allowed ME to warm up to him. But i was so impressed by him and i had a truly good feeling about him. SOME people thought he might be trying to get with her because of her financial status and the fact that she was a doctor with prominence in the community, but Andrew already had his college degree and was doing welll for himself as an electrical engineer for Sony BEFORE he met her. He was financially independent.

its been 4 years now...and My mother is the happiest she has ever been. Andrew loves her with all his heart. he treats her the way a man should treat a woman. he respects her wisdom and her feel "young" in all the right ways. They are a team....and watching them makes ME hopefull of what things might be like for me when i finally marry.

Their "may/december" relationship has been beneficial to both of them in many ways. and i am very VERY happy for them both. i think they were both at the right time and place in their individual lives and that allowed them to come together. its a good thing that my mother allowed herself to be open to that possibility because she started off not even giving him the time of day lol.

I believe that AGE is NOT something that should determine the possibility of a relationship in every instance. it certainly didnt have a determining in the case of my mother and her husband.

[Osiris]

Age is a state of mind. There are 40yr olds that are less mature than some 16yr olds. At least, that's what I have seen.

[DonDaddyD]

Nah those 40yr olds are in their mid-life crisis and their lives can afford some mindless immaturity when your 16 your too busy trying to be all mature and look like an adult to appear cool infront of girls.

For all these May/December relationships is it right for a 36 yr old man to go out with a 16 yr old girl?

[Oblivion]

when your 16 your too busy trying to be all mature and look like an adult to appear cool infront of girls.



I think you underestimate the young minds of today, I myself am only 14, 15 in a few days - and I know many teenagers around my age, at my highschool - that have surpassed their 'age' by far with the maturity and mentality that they carry themselves with. At the same time, I know many adults a vareity of ages that seem to act like children all the time. I believe while your a teenager your automatically put into the sterotypical standardization that your just a raging hormonal time bomb ticking to go off at any minute, where as some individuals are VERY mature for their age, and are just thought of as 'children' because of their age.

To me everyone has their own unique individuality, that extends PAST their 'age', sure the majority of teenagers today are indeed very immature...but so are some adults, a lot more than you may think, at least that's what I've experianced.

Now, to get back on topic, and to answer your question - I believe age shouldn't determine the way you live your life, and determine the way you live your LOVE life. However, if the two of you aren't adults (Seeing here in Maryland you aren't considered an adult until you reach the age of 18), or one of you aren't - then you shouldn't experiance sexual relations with one another, whether you love each other or not - seeing someone in the relationship could get arrested for statutory rape.

So to address the 16 year old and 36 year old, I believe they SHOULDN'T date until the 16 year old reaches the age of adulthood, which in my state is said to be 18. HOWEVER, if both of them love each other, then they should be able to wait for each other for two years, if they are really deeply in love; and not just misunderstanding themselves. Now...I think that came out totally wrong and confusing, so I'm sorry if none of you understood what I just said, I just suck at explaining things:shrug:.

[DonDaddyD]

I'm 23 I’m not some old man detached from ‘today’s generation’ I also have an eleven year old brother and cousins each and every year from eleven to sixteen. I’m close to them I’ve watch them grow up my statement isn’t an assumption it is made out of experience and observation. I’ve always been mature for my age and I have been told as such. Though I think now it is hard to say that I was mature as with hindsight I look back and think I was young compared to what I know now.

Yes a lot of adults do present themselves as immature however life has allowed them to be. Whether that is financial security life experience etc. But many adults get to a point where they realise that they don’t need to worry about maturity and social judgements (it’s not important to act ‘cool’) and would rather re-live the irresponsibility of there youth and seek fun. It doesn’t make them immature in my eyes they are simply experiencing there mid life crisis.

Now lets say I'm not ready to settle down and I meet a person who is 36 she wants kids as soon as possible, she also wants a husband, the house and the dream. We get along like and it appears like we could be together. Now she has had her early 20's she's travelled, studied and explored herself. She has comfortably come to this point in her life.

Is it fair that I have to miss that in my life to suit her needs? Can I give her what she wants and equally be happy that I'm living my life the way I want?

What I am saying is that it totally has to do with the life you live. Of course age determines the way you live your life. Why would you want to be an adult too early in life? Why would a person want to remain childish an immature well into their twenties? Society sets up a structure for us to live our lives so that we encounter obstacles in life at certain ages so that we have enough experience to handle that stage of our life. Age should also determine your choices of love. Love is a powerful thing I’d like to think I’ve been in love but each and every time I have a better relationship I seem to feel more for that person. I don’t want to fall in love until I feel ready as I still don’t know what it is. I know you don’t choose but I’d rather be older with a wiser head on my shoulders to handle it than be young and impulsive and lose myself within the magnitude of the feelings.

[Timeless Beautie]

On just this issue of age... I believe you are as old as you feel. I know teenagers who've had to grow up faster hen they normally would. Girls who've unexpectantly become pregnant have to grow up faster whether they want to or not.... I have a friend who's mom who has cancer and cannot do much for herself so it is left up to her daughter to look after her 3 younger siblings, keep the house in order, and take care of her mother. Some of those things she shouldn't have to do until she's married and had kids, but yet she one of the most mature people I know and it's amazing how she keeps it under control with such grace and maturity at only the age of 16.

Now I think that adults shouldn't date minors, because I think it's a disaster waiting to happen. But two consenting adults that love and care for each other, then it really none of our business.

[DonDaddyD]

I think you raised the issue when is someone old enough and when are they an adult and who should decide. A teen can feel an adult but as they get older and look back realise that they weren't.

Adults an minors (I take it you mean pre16) that is just wrong and the adult is just taking advantage. Imo